Strategic first steps FOR planning your Big Day

You’re happy, you’re in love. You just found out that you will be spending the rest of your life with your favorite person in the whole wide world!

You’re excited and soon find yourself researching everything from bridal gowns to banquet halls.

But whether you like it or not, there will be lots of opinions to sort through—everyone will have thoughts on the exact steps you should take first to achieve the “perfect” wedding day that they once had themselves. Lucky you.

Ultimately, even though you just got engaged, you’re starting to feel rushed and overwhelmed. You may even feel like you’re already behind or completely out of time. 

This is not the greatest feeling. THIS is what drives newly engaged couples closer to an elopement than a traditional wedding. This is where Aisle Runners enters the chat. 

With over twenty years of experience in the wedding planning industry, we know what works (and what doesn’t) and how this translates into a successful event. In this post we offer some free, (and if you’re reading this post) solicited advice on the best ways to begin your “plan of attack”—for any couple, for any budget.

THE BACKSTORY TO BAD PLANNING

Common Mistakes to Avoid in Wedding Planning

• Miscommunication: What you communicate to your wedding party, guests, and vendors will dictate how your vision is brought to life.

• Valuing aesthetics over logistics: Put just as much consideration (and dollars) toward transportation arrangements as you do table settings.

• Not having a plan: Completing tasks out of order or without considering other decisions will leave you frustrated, exhausted, and possibly broke.

• Unrealistic budgeting/overspending: Couples who go way over “soft” budgets tend to be more antsy, frustrated, and unpleasant to each other and their vendors. 

• Hiring incompetent outside vendors: Avoid unresponsive, detached, difficult vendors, no matter how good their pricing is.

• Lateness: Tardiness has a snowball effect; even five minutes makes a big difference and no matter the offender’s role at the wedding, being late is the easiest way to tank an entire event.

• People problems: See below.

People Problems

Planning a wedding can be very stressful, so everyone involved must meet the “vibe check”. Avoid incorporating argumentative or rude people who like to needlessly complain or try to make your event more about them and less about you. FYI, this not only includes bridesmaids, groomsmen, family members, and guests but surprisingly wedding vendors as well.

Planner Problems

Wedding planning is not for everyone, and don’t let someone tell you otherwise. This may sound harsh, but anyone cannot (or should not) do it. Everyone is not a good match to plan your wedding. 

Whether it be your “uncle’s cousin’s best friend’s daughter who does it on the side” or a professional planner, look for these basic traits when selecting a planner and/or assuming the role yourself:

• Good temperament: firm, decisive, slow to anger and panic, approachable, open-minded, detail oriented 

• High-level organizational skills: uses email over text or DMs for major correspondence; uses planning tools like Google Drive, Calendar, Docs, and Sheets (or compatible programs)

• Dependable habits: checks correspondence often; quick to respond; notifies client or vendors of absences ahead of time (for travel, etc.); asks questions to gain clarity

• Willing to perform the following minimal tasks: create a detailed itemized budget; prepare (long-range) calendar, (short-term) itineraries and wedding day schedules; organize vendors, wedding party participants, and guests; review venue and outside vendor contracts; coordinate and provide adequate support staff for the day of
  

SEEING THE BIG P.I.C.T.U.R.E

So How Do We Start Planning?

After years in the industry, we at Aisle Runners do things by second nature that are not necessarily instinctive to everyone—there’s a method to our madness, and the best way to plan like a planner is to, umm, have a plan. This may not sound like the life-altering advice you came here for, but hear me out. The best way to tackle a large project is to break it down into smaller, more digestible parts. 

I’ve come up with a quick and easy way to navigate each planning step: the P.I.C.T.U.R.E. process. 

What Does P.I.C.T.U.R.E. Stand For?

• [Set] Parameters

• [Be] Inspired and Inquire

• Consolidate and Compare

• [Create] Timelines

• Update Budget

• Reserve Venue/Set Wedding Date

• Engage

Let’s break down each stage.

1-[Set] Parameters

Setting parameters means taking inventory of what you need, what you expect, and what you are willing to pay. Skipping this step can lead to getting swindled out of thousands of dollars by sketchy vendors or purchasing goods and services that you ultimately won’t need. Remember, you are the boss and should be in total control of what you spend and who you hire at all times.

Ask yourself these questions as you are setting your parameters:

• What are my non-negotiables? What am I absolutely not willing to bend on? 

• What is my ideal guest count?

• Do I have the money “in hand” to pay for the wedding, or do I need time to save up? If so, how much time do I need, and what’s the most that I can save?

• Do I have any flexibility with my wedding date and/or location?

• What is my overall budget? Do I have any limitations on what I want to spend on a specific budget category? If so, what are those categories and amounts?

Now what? Unfortunately, this is my “dream killer” portion of the process. Sorry guys, but this where over-the-top Instagram Reel inspirations come to die and you realize (1) you cannot afford to get married on a yacht in the south of France or (2) you will either have to wait years to save up or sell plasma in addition to your day job. 

Of course, I’m exaggerating, but this is a good time to have deeper, tougher conversations with your sweetie before moving forward and start preparing a detailed Itemized Wedding Budget. This unpleasant part doesn’t last long, and as soon as you get past it, you can move on to all the fun stuff.

2-[Be] Inspired and Inquire

My preferred starting point for inspiration is social media, especially Instagram and Pinterest. Unlike printed items like wedding magazines or books, social media occurs in real time and is more likely to show the latest trends. More specifically, Instagram and Pinterest’s “Saved Collections” and “Sections” features, respectively, also make it easy to organize photos and videos. However, proceed with caution.

Social media often flourishes in an over the top and unrealistic environment, and that can be self-defeating. Get ready to see lots of things that are either out of your price range, not available in your area, or downright just not real—I’m looking at you, six-fingered AI-generated photos.

Also remember that this is the “non-committal” portion of your research. You are “cyberstalking” venues and vendors for preliminary pricing without making direct contact. FYI, once you reach out, vendors will immediately begin contacting you (sometimes relentlessly) to gain your business, so if possible, delay those more intense, awkward interactions as long as possible to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

Another option is to attend bridal shows and open houses for local vendors. This way, you can see many vendors at once instead of driving all over town. You can also see real vendors in your area and get more accurate pricing. However, this means that you are now face to face with vendors and may succumb to the pressure of a great sales pitch. But stay strong! Remember, you are not yet committing to anything other than maybe a wedding dress and/or a wedding planner. No matter how good the discount may be for signing up on the spot, it is not your deal if it doesn’t meet your needs—and you may not know what your needs are at this point.

While I don’t encourage making hard connections with vendors during this time, there is one exception: venues. You can start meeting with venues, scheduling tours, and inquiring about pricing and availability. If you can begin to visualize where your event may take place, you’ll be able to review potential vendor options with more clarity. 

3-Consolidate and Compare

It’s now time to align your lofty ideas and research findings with the realities of your budget and begin making tweaks. 

First, remove anything that no longer applies to you. Throw out any venue and/or vendor that (1) is way outside your budget or (2) immediately turned you off with their services and/or professionalism (or lack thereof).

Next, consolidate the remaining viable options and create a list that includes the vendor name, price quotes, and notes. From there, input the tentative prices into an Itemized Wedding Budget and adjust the category prices as needed to stay within your overall budget. Then begin comparing similar vendor provisions and pricing to determine who may best fit what you're looking for. 

4-[Create] Timelines

Many people wait to plan their wedding day timeline until after securing the venue and vendors,  but the truth is, you want a baseline for your wedding day schedule before going crazy and signing contracts. 

I hate to say it, but as special and unique as your wedding ceremony will be, most last about twenty-five to thirty minutes and can go up to sixty to ninety minutes for (1) Catholic weddings with mass or (2) ceremonies with communion, long readings, and/or multiple song selections that occur with no action.

All other components of a wedding can be similarly predicted as well; however, planners should still seek input from their clients. For example, the most common request that I get from couples is “my wedding guests are big drinkers and dancers, and we’d like to extend the length of our reception”. Note that this schedule would be very different from that of a more conservative couple who doesn’t want alcohol and/or dance music.

With this in mind, create a tentative wedding day schedule before making any major commitments. A schedule will tell you the number of hours to book the DJ and photographer or how long alcoholic beverage service should last. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did this. I’ve seen too many couples suffer from buyer’s remorse because they booked more time than needed and couldn’t get a refund after an agreement was made.

5-Update Budget

With a general timeline and list of potential venues and vendors in hand, you are ready to update your budget with more realistic numbers. By now, you should know how much you intend to spend and how long you’ll need to reach those savings goals. 

I recommend building a 10-20 percent overage into this budget. This helps account for any unexpected expenses that (1) are more specific to your event as you begin to dig deeper into outside vendor contracts or (2) occur when you love what you love and aren’t willing to compromise anymore. I call this the “dream tax” because it often attaches itself to items connected to your heartstrings. These items are the things that make you happy at any cost. Beware of this in the floral and decor category. Once you start looking at all those beautiful flowers, it’s really hard to say no!

6-Reserve Venue and Set Wedding Date

Now that your wedding budget goals are in place, book your venue and (if you haven’t already) set your wedding date. FYI, you’ll need to sign a contract and pay a deposit to hold your date. 

The signed venue contract will also indicate the number of venue access hours (including setup, event time, and breakdown), telling you exactly what to ask for from your other outside vendors. 

7-Engage

You have a wedding date, venue, tentative timeline, and budget for each vendor category—let’s start booking face-to-face consultations (in person or via Zoom) and interviewing vendors.

Have a  list of questions in hand and get to know the following details about each vendor: 

• Quality of service with prior clients

• Whether you can trust them and work with their personality  

• Whether they’re professional, skilled in their industry, and can provide the service you need in the way that you desire

• What services they provide

• Prices and payment terms 

• Type of event staff included

• Turnaround time for the final product (if applicable)

Once you are satisfied, sign the contracts and make the deposit payments to secure each vendor for your wedding date. 

WHAT’S NEXT?

Is That It?

No. There’s still the wedding day itself! While the information in this post alone could help all my DIYers who insist on going it alone in the beginning and then hire a day-of coordinator, please note that how you move forward really matters.  

Determine How Your Planning Wedding Will Impact Its Coordination (and Vice Versa)

While some may look at planning and coordination as two separate entities, you should never look at your wedding as a two-part process—there will always be overlap. Any successful, well-executed wedding will always include a plan for how it will ultimately be coordinated. This plan should include the number of staffers required, what their responsibilities will be, how aware/all-knowing they are about your event, and how they will make any necessary last-minute adjustments for things like weather or real-time family dynamics. 

While the planning process is constantly evolving, it also depends on items established at the very start, like your budget and timeline, to stay on track. Planning and coordination are codependent. An event planned without the guidance of a professional will lead to an unprofessionally coordinated event. Similarly, an event that is not coordinated in a professional manner will undo any hard work put into the pre-event planning. 

Think of it this way, coordination is often what is seen on the wedding day, but the planning is what is truly felt and remembered for a lifetime—both being equally important. 

Exploring Consulting vs. Coordinating vs. Planning

Wedding planners often offer different services for different parts of the overall planning process. For example, here is what Aisle Runners offers:

Knowing When to Bring in a Planner

The wedding planning process can be long and complex, and I hope this blog post helps with getting you started. While you may not think a full service wedding planner is within your budget, it’s worth looking into because ultimately it will save you more time and money than going it alone. Trust me, there is a whole world of outside vendor perks that you can receive if potential vendors know you are working with a professional planner. Additionally, a good planner will also help you maintain a more balanced budget that allows you to make better choices and avoid overspending in less impactful categories. 

My best advice: reach out to a few planners, get their prices, and see if full service planning is an option for you. It can’t hurt. Just be mindful of what you are asking for and what their websites and social media say about their services. Do they explicitly say what services they do and do not provide? Are they speaking your language? Look for keywords like “affordable” vs. “luxury” and remember that vendors with the most glamorous websites are unlikely to provide an “economy” experience. Also, don’t be afraid to reach out to start-up vendors who for example may not have many social media followers. In this circumstance, followers mean nothing, and that overlooked vendor with a less than impressive following could actually be your perfect match. 

FINAL THOUGHTS FROM AISLE RUNNERS

Although we’d love the opportunity to personally help you plan your big day, we understand if we are not a good fit. And to show you that there are no hard feelings, we’d like to offer you a streamlined, more detailed list of what you should do and in what order, including timing targets on how long you should spend on each of the seven P.I.C.T.U.R.E. process stages.

Receive your free copy of the “Big P.I.C.T.U.R.E. Planning Checklist” now, courtesy of the Aisle Runners Wedding Consulting Services, Inc. 

Plug in your information below to receive your free download today. Happy planning!

Need help planning your event? We’d love to help!